Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: Finding Your Way Back to What Matters Most

Look, I get it. You're exhausted from trying to keep it all together while your mind runs wild with worry, self-doubt, and that nagging feeling that this isn't how life is supposed to be. Maybe you've gotten really good at staying busy, pushing through, or finding ways to numb out – anything to avoid sitting still with those uncomfortable thoughts.

Here's what I want you to know: Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) isn't about pretending everything is fine or forcing yourself to "think positive." It's about learning to dance with your difficult experiences rather than exhausting yourself trying to wrestle them into submission. And honestly? That shift can change everything.

What ACT Really Is (And Why It's Different)

ACT is part of what we call "third wave" behavioral therapies – approaches that focus on acceptance and mindfulness rather than trying to eliminate or control difficult thoughts and feelings. The goal isn't to make you feel good all the time (because let's be real, that's impossible). Instead, I help you build psychological flexibility – your ability to stay present with whatever shows up, even the hard stuff, while still taking action toward what truly matters to you.

Think of it this way: You're learning to surf the waves of your internal experiences rather than trying to stop the ocean. This approach helps you reconnect with yourself and move forward in a way that feels authentic and purposeful, not just another performance of being "okay."

The Six Core Processes That Actually Make a Difference

ACT isn't just one technique – it's six interconnected processes that work together to help you build a richer, fuller life. Let me break these down in a way that actually makes sense:

1. Being Present (Because Your Mind Is Probably Anywhere But Here)

How often do you catch yourself completely zoned out, lost in tomorrow's worries or yesterday's regrets? I teach you grounding techniques that bring you back to this moment – not because the present is always pleasant, but because it's the only place where you can actually make choices and take action.

Try this right now: Feel your feet on the floor. Notice five things you can see around you. That's presence, and it's more powerful than you might think.

2. Acceptance (Stop Fighting Yourself and Start Living)

Here's the truth bomb: The harder you fight your difficult feelings, the stronger they get. Acceptance doesn't mean you like what you're feeling or that you're giving up. It means making space for all of it – the messy, uncomfortable, human parts of your experience – without letting them run your life.

When you stop spending all your energy trying to push away anxiety or sadness, you suddenly have energy for the things that actually matter to you.

3. Defusion (Your Thoughts Aren't Gospel)

Your mind is going to tell you all kinds of stories – that you're not good enough, that you'll fail, that everyone's judging you. In ACT, I teach you to see these thoughts for what they are: just words your mind is producing, not commandments from the universe.

When that inner critic starts up, try saying, "Thanks for sharing, mind," and then choose what you want to do next. It sounds simple, but it's revolutionary when you get the hang of it.

4. Self-as-Context (You Are Not Your Thoughts or Feelings)

You are the sky, not the weather. Your thoughts and feelings are experiences passing through you, but they aren't YOU. This perspective shift helps you realize that even when you're anxious, depressed, or overwhelmed, there's a part of you that remains steady and whole – the observer of all these experiences.

5. Values (Your Internal Compass When Everything Feels Lost)

This is where things get real. What actually matters to you? Not what you think should matter, not what would make others happy, but what lights YOU up from the inside?

I help you dig beneath the surface to find your core values – maybe it's authenticity, connection, creativity, or adventure. These become your North Star when life gets confusing. When you're clear on your values, decisions become easier because you have a compass pointing you toward what truly matters.

6. Committed Action (Where the Magic Actually Happens)

Values without action are just nice ideas. Committed action means taking steps – even tiny ones – toward what matters to you, even when your anxiety is screaming at you to stop. It's choosing to send that text to reconnect with a friend, even though vulnerability feels scary. It's working on that creative project for 15 minutes, even though your inner critic is having a field day.

This isn't about giant leaps. It's about consistent, values-aligned baby steps that gradually build the life you actually want to live.

Why ACT Works for Women Who've Lost Themselves

If you've spent years being the "good girl," over-functioning, people-pleasing, or numbing out with work, relationships, or substances, ACT offers a different path. I see you – the sensitive soul who's been told you're "too much" or "too emotional," who's learned to cope by staying busy, controlling everything, or checking out entirely.

ACT helps you:

• Stop the exhausting battle with your internal world

• Reconnect with what you actually want (not what you should want)

• Take meaningful action even when you're scared

• Build genuine resilience that isn't just another mask

The research backs this up. Studies consistently show that people who develop psychological flexibility through ACT experience reduced anxiety and depression, better relationships, and greater life satisfaction. But more importantly, they report feeling more like themselves again.

Real Techniques You Can Start Using Today

The Anchor Breath (When Your Mind Won't Stop Racing)

Place one hand on your chest, one on your belly. Don't try to change your breathing – just notice it. Feel the rise and fall. When your mind wanders (and it will), gently bring attention back to your breath. This isn't about feeling calm; it's about being present with whatever you're experiencing.

The 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Exercise (For When You're Overwhelmed)

Name:

• 5 things you can see

• 4 things you can touch

• 3 things you can hear

• 2 things you can smell

• 1 thing you can taste

This pulls you out of your head and back into your body and the present moment.

"Thank Your Mind" (When the Inner Critic Gets Loud)

When your mind offers up its usual greatest hits ("You're going to fail," "Everyone thinks you're weird"), try responding with, "Thanks for that thought, mind." Then ask yourself: "What would I do right now if this thought couldn't stop me?"

ACT and Anxiety: A Different Approach

If you're tired of being told to "just breathe" or "think positive" while anxiety runs your life, listen up. ACT doesn't try to eliminate anxiety – because honestly, that's a losing battle. Instead, I help you change your relationship with it.

Anxiety becomes information, not a dictator. You learn that you can feel anxious AND still:

• Have that difficult conversation

• Set that boundary

• Pursue that dream

• Show up authentically

The anxiety might still be there, but it's no longer in the driver's seat of your life.

What Working With Me Actually Looks Like

I'm not going to sit back and just nod while asking, "How does that make you feel?" I'm engaged, I'm present, and yes, I'll call you on your bullshit (lovingly, but directly). I believe in the spiritual and intuitive aspects of healing – there's magic in this work that goes beyond just talking.

In our sessions, we'll:

• Identify what truly matters to you beneath all the shoulds and have-tos

• Practice new ways of relating to your thoughts and feelings

• Take concrete steps toward the life you actually want

• Build skills you can use between sessions and beyond

I offer consistent weekly sessions scheduled three months at a time because healing isn't a quick fix – it's a journey that requires commitment and consistency. Sometimes there's homework if it feels useful, but this is your process, and we move at your pace.

The Bottom Line

ACT isn't about fixing you because you're not broken. It's about helping you build the skills to handle whatever life throws at you while staying connected to what makes you feel most alive and authentic.

If you're ready to stop fighting yourself and start living, if you're tired of all the coping mechanisms that aren't really working, if you want to find your way back to who you really are beneath all the masks and survival strategies – I'm here for it.

This work isn't always easy, but it's real, it's powerful, and it can help you create a life that actually feels like yours.

Ready to explore how ACT can help you reconnect with yourself and what matters most? Reach out today to schedule a consultation. I'm here to walk this path with you, one authentic step at a time.

Located in Lynnwood, WA, I offer both in-person and online sessions for women ready to stop surviving and start truly living. Specializing in anxiety, binge eating, substance use recovery, and healing from narcissistic abuse through ACT, Brainspotting, and other evidence-based approaches.