Stages of Change - Where are you at with your desired change?

Why is change SO HARD? Because it's complicated and a process, not an on-off switch. Read below to learn more about the stages, what they look and feel like, and how they apply to you and where you are at.

Researches have often wondered why it's so hard to get people to change behaviors that are bad for them, especially when they say they want to change! This lead to the creation of the Transtheoretical Model in which there are 5 stages of change. Before I dive in, let's go back for a minute to what change is and why it's so hard.

So many of us tell ourselves we're going to change.

-I'm going to start working out 3x/week

-I'm going to cut back on alcohol

-I'm going to stop smoking

-I'm going to stop binging and purging

-I'm going to stop engaging with people from our past who have harmed us

-I'm going to start eating well and ditch the fast food lunch breaks

And the list goes on and on.

Sound familiar?

What is one thing in your recent past that you wanted to change but found it too difficult that you didn't stick with it?

So why is change so hard?

Because it's uncomfortable. It requires us to try new things that are uncomfortable, and our bodies and brains want to maintain homeostasis, even if that homeostasis isn't in our best interest. In the book "The Mountain is You" by Brianna West, she states "We are programmed to seek what we've known. Even though we think we're after happiness, we're actually trying to find whatever we're used to." So even if we "know" that we want to change or that we even need to change, we struggle because our brains and bodies have a different agenda.

The Transtheoretical model is a way to help people and providers better understand that change isn't a yes or no thing...it's a process. To better understand what you need to get to where you want to go, we need to know where you are at in the cycle of change. Here are the stages:

1. Precontemplation

   • Most simply put, this is where we don't think we have a problem at all. We don't have the awareness that there is an issue. Other people may see the problem, but we don't agree or are still in deep denial about it. During this time, we aren't likely to engage in treatment or counseling because....what's the problem!?

2. Contemplation

   • The contemplation stage is a very tense and complication stage. This is where we are aware of the problem and want to take steps to change it, but feel resistance or uncertainty to do anything about it. We call this feeling ambivalence. For every reason to change, you can find a reason to not change. People can be here for weeks, months or even years! This is also the stage where we feel most frustrated with ourselves. After all, we see the problem and want to change! And yet we don't. This is where therapy can be a very beneficial tool to help give you more support, learn what's behind the ambivalence, and find ways to help you get from "I know what I need to do" to "Look at me, I'm doing it!"

3. Preparation

   • Preparation has one big ingredient: determination. Before you take action, this is the stage where we prepare how to set you up for success. This may look like the emotional work of limiting beliefs that need to be cleared in order to change or something more tangible like signing up for a nearby gym that offers classes at times that works with your schedule. This is an important stage, but one that we don't want to be in for too long because we can slide back into contemplation if we don't move to action.

4. Action

   • You're doing it! You're cutting back on alcohol, you're working out three times a week, you're meditating every morning for 10 minutes...whatever it is that you wanted to change, you're doing it! Therapy is important during this stage as well because it's accountability and also a place to come to when bumps pop up. Change isn't linear. One of the most common issues I see clients run into is that they are in a good workout routine and then they either go on vacation or get sick (or both!) and that lost rhythm throws them off track and they can easily stay off track for a long time without the support to get back on.

5. Maintenance

   • This is where the change is just habit. You're doing the thing with little to minimal effort. This can take anywhere from 3-6 months. When in maintenance, it's good to talk to your therapist about predicting what can throw you off. I call these yellow flags. They're not quite red flags (which are more connected to relapse). The yellow flags are the smaller signs that you're falling backwards. One of my main ones when it comes to maintaining my mental health is if I stop taking my supplements every morning. Sure, I'll skip a day here or there, but if I'm skipping multiple days at a time, that's my cue that something is going on that need to be addressed.

6. Relapse/Lapse

   • Remember, change is hard. And researches added this stage because it is so common and such a normal part of behavior change. The goal of therapy is to help prevent this, prepare you to know what to look out for that might cause a lapse in behavior change. Therapy is also helpful during this time because if there is a relapse, people can become discouraged and give up. Therapy is the space to receive compassion, increase understanding of what happened, and help get you back into the action stage as quickly as possible. Research shows the longer we are in a relapse, the harder it is to get back to the beneficial behaviors and change behaviors.

So here's an exercise for you that comes from the book "The Mountain is You"...

Take a piece of paper and pen, and write down everything you aren't happy with. Write down, very specifically, every single problem you face. If you are struggling with finances, you need a very clear picture of what's wrong. Write down every debt, every bill, every asset and every bit of income. If you are struggling with self-image, write down exactly what you don't like about yourself. If it's an anxiety, write down everything that bothers you or upsets you. You must first and foremost get out of denial and into clarity about what's really wrong. At this point, you have a choice. You can make peace, or you can commit to changing. The lingering is what keeps you stuck.

If you'd like to chat more about your stage of change and how I can be of support, set up a free consultation to see if we'd be a good fit!